I am feeling trapped in my life. I am alone really. My friends call when they need me (and yes this is after years in some cases of being the initiator and being the one who always called or messaged) and otherwise nothing. My sons dad is around out of obligation and our relationship has been over for years in frank honesty. I am stifled in a 'real job' or rather lack of one since I gave it all up to do artsy stuff at home to be with my kid years ago and now am unemployable. That fact wouldn't be so bad if my artsy life were doing anything half as well in sales as it was a few years ago. It's not.
I feel every day as if I am forcing myself to get up, to go on, to even exist.
I know lack of passion is the key here. I just find myself confused on how to light the spark within again.
I do feel sometimes as if coming here and kvetching isn't helping. Other times I feel it is because it's out there in black and white and I can say "phew, got that off my chest, feel a bit lighter".
I do hope it won't always be like this. I am grateful in the meantime for the dropping spot.
I know there is more to me than this. I know there is something wonderful in me. I know there are wonderful experiences, people and life waiting beyond all this.
Best song to describe feelings right now.... the Smiths - How Soon is Now
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