in my absence

In my absence I have been journeying to a solution of sorts. It is still a long road for me to put on the finishing details or even attempt to see the end destination, but it is an answer. It requires effort and passion to see it through, to not fall away from the path. Somehow it is a baby step that I know will lead to new places and wonderful things.
I am scared. I am more frightened by the fact I am asking and answering these pondering all by myself. I am not falling into the past habits of continually double checking to see if you, or you, or even you approve. I am staging a full blown mutiny and taking control of my own course. I am terrified I will not be strong enough to hold course, to fight the battering doubts and voices (of myself and others who assume they know best), to shine like the north star.
I have no map, only a vague hope of the destination I hope to find.
That is enough.

if wishes were...

Here's a saying some of you might be familiar with.... if wishes were fishes then we'd all be fed.
What I want to know dearest readers, is why not?

Is it a question of not getting everything (or certain things) we wish for because really in the long run or in truth, they / it would not be good for us so, we don't get it. Or is it a question in other cases of just not really believing in your heart that you can or should be able to have it?

In my opinion... half a dozen of one and 6 of the other.

Awake and dreaming

I feel when I think of this certain person as if I am awake yet dreaming. He is not mine. He does not know I exist. Yet, somehow he makes my knees weak.
I imagine if I truly knew him I'd find his flaws just the same. That he'd point out all my quirks and the sparing of lovers would continue, just in another arena. But would it?
Is it possible that a soulmate, a true love, someone who sees your 'flaws' yet still is madly in love with you really exists?
I have settled for many things, including 'love' (or what turned out to not be love) in my past but in my heart there this dream of true love still lives. How it's survived all it's lies, aches, breaks and general mistreatment I will never know. How even in it's current state, it manages to still believe, even when the thinking part of me has given up on it, my heart still believes.
So dearest love, my heart tells me you are real and you are out there in this big world somewhere, this has been a note to let you know I still believe and I still wait to be held and safe in your embrace.